Raising Girls

7 Strategies for Dealing with Defiant Daughters

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Parenting is not for the faint of heart, especially if you have a stubborn or downright defiant daughter. You need to be prepared + more determined than she is to help her get through the issues that arise.

Having a game plan in place is crucial for your success and hers. Consider incorporating these parenting strategies for dealing with a defiant daughter.

Defiant, stubborn daughters tend to test your patience + stretch your parenting skills to the limit on the reg. This is just part of raising girls, for the most part.

All girls ten to go through at least two defiant stages:

Around age two or three, when they learn the “n” word + go around saying no to EVERYTHING.

Then, it comes back around again when they hit their teen years, when they say “no” as they practice making mature choices + decisions (or sometimes not making mature + good choices).

If your daughter has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) by a doctor, you can encounter similar issues. However, there are differences related to frequency + severity due to the cause of the defiant behavior.

Under these circumstances, it’s even more important to have solid foundations, plans + consequences in place.

Whether your daughter is going through one of the common defiant stages, dealing with ODD, or has another major issue, it’s important to address the problem early. In fact, at the first sign of defiant behavior, model + teach your daughter acceptable ways to react + respond to situations she faces.

7 Strategies to Help with a Defiant Daughter

#1 Build a solid foundation

It is never too early to begin teaching your daughter good manners, conflict resolution, problem solving skills + social etiquette. The earlier you begin, the easier it is.

Even before your babies are born, they are learning about the world around them – including actions, reactions, expectations + consequences, or causes + effects. Don’t be afraid to start building the foundation when she is a baby.

Establish boundaries, rules + consequences. Establish these boundaries + rules to address your expectations for your daughter + for your own behavior, as well. When setting up consequences for your child(ren), try to correlate the consequences with a specific issue.

Write down the consequences so your daughter knows what is going to happen if she chooses to disobey or ignore rules. Depending on what your child responds to, you may restrict or disallow the use of an item, especially if it contributed to what she did to break a rule or disobey.

#2 Master your self-control

Your daughter uses you as as role model. Model a calm, cool + collected attitude (even when you are ready to lose your $#@!). Defiant children can be emotional + explosive so you can’t be.

In order to deal successfully with her outbursts, you must control your own thoughts, emotions, actions + words. If you need to, take time to calm down before addressing the behavior issue.

When you talk with your child, keep your tone of voice low, firm + decisive as you discuss family beliefs, values, expectations + rules.

#3 Enforce consequences

When a child knows that consequences are not enforced, they are less likely to follow the rules or stick to the boundaries. Being consistent with enforcing rules can make a HUGE difference.

Whatever the consequence is (losing her iPad for a day or not being allowed to have friends over), consistently enforce it when she done something to lose her privilege.

#4 Hold on to your power

A defiant daughter wants the last word. She also wants you to give in to her wants + way of thinking. Refuse to argue with her.

End the conversation on your terms. Don’t let her wear you down. You have to be more determined than she is.

#5 Refuse to negotiate

Negotiation is a tool used by kids to get their way + get out of dealing with their responsibilities. No matter how much your daughter cries or complains, she must fix her mistake + then accept the consequences for her actions.

#6 Reinforce the positive

Instead of giving attention when she does something wrong, praise + reward her positive behaviors. Point out when she does something well or makes a well-thought out decision. Don’t skimp on the positives if you want your daughter to model them.

Parents must take the time to plan + strategize when it comes to dealing with defiant daughters. Be determined + consistent when dealing with her defiance. Make a plan to include one or more of these 7 parenting strategies for dealing with a defiant daughter.

XOXO, Kristie
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